Washington
Washington (Idaho's France) is a state filled with beat poets and other commie sympathizers. They have gills. The real name of the state is Baja Canada, but they steal the name of Our Nation's Capitol to confuse people and make them buy airplane tickets. Everyone who visits Baja Canada wanders around in boats and sea-planes looking for the Washington Monument and the White House. Baja Canada is home to Washington's Second Congressional District. Scientists who recently studied the state decided that there are now only two districts. 2004 Goobernatorial Election Crisis A rossaurion dinosaur nicknamed "Dino Rossi" ran for governor in 2004 and would have won except that it died and was eaten by orcs when trying to pass over the huge and foreboding fire-spewing peaks that separate the dinosaur fields of eastern Baja Canada from the submerged site of the state's capitol. Geography and climate The western third of the state is actually under water. Despite that, most people in Baja Canada live there. They have gills. The eastern two-thirds of the state is populated entirely by dinosaurs,The existence of dinosaurs in Washington actually proves the truthiness of Creation Science. All those so-called "fossils" are just the bones of animals that died in the 1930s on their way to the dinosaur park. except for Yakima, which is a desert town filled with rapists and wine-drunk vintners, and Spokane, where Mark Foley-West was recently elected mayor. Massive smoke-covered fire-spewing volcanic peaks separate the submerged western part of the state from the eastern part. No human has ever been able to cross the "Cascade Curtain". A couple of hobbits are rumored to have once scaled one of the peaks in southern Baja Canada, but the mountain blew up before they could cross the pass. History Baja Canada's dinosaur park was built in 1934 as a Big Deal contract thought up in one of FDR's nightmares. FBI director Hoover seized the chance to piss off his political enemies and hired homeless people to build a dam. They were trying to flood the eastern part of the state so that it would look like the submerged western part, but there wasn't enough water there, so they let dinosaurs take over. The construction crews then built the 156-lane super-highway that connects Baja Canada with the "bud fields" of British Columbia (that's what they call Canada up there). Steven Spielberg's 1993 documentary, Jurassic Park was filmed on the lower slopes of the Cascade Curtain in eastern Baja Canada. Politics No matter what they say in DC newspapers, Baja Canada is not a matriarchy. It's true that both of its US Senators and its Governor are women (and Democrats t' boot), but most voters of the state are happy to send the men-folk off to the House in DC. Dinosaur-keepers and non-illegal-immigrant vinyard workers in eastern Baja Canada are allowed to participate in an exercize called "voting" every couple of years. They seem to enjoy it. But vote-counting equipment in King County (where Seattle is) is designed to automatically cast two contrary votes for every ballot submitted from dinosaur-land. This system is activated only for state-wide races. Voters in Spokane are allowed to vote for any closted Log Cabin Republican that they can find. Everyone who runs for the state legislature from Seattle is required to pass a mandated gaydar test administered under contract with City Government (Soviet of Seattle) by sexologist Dan Savage who is also editor a local alternative weekly called The Stranger. See also * Canada Notes